THE HUXLEY FILE
[113] Have you seen all the Reports of this year’s Congress? Yes. Then you’ve still got to see mine. It is special., and for you. All others are incomplete, and as the advertisements of patent mustards have it, none are genuine unless signed thus:–PROFESSOR FLUFF, i. e. myself. …
Physiology. The art of Making Faces. (In my bag, also false nose and whiskers.)
Geology. Illustrated by a performance on the Bones. (Great coat pocket; hands for practising in the Railway Carriage.)
Architecture. Use of the Air-pump in erecting castellated edifices. (Portmanteau.)
Geography. The question, "Where are you going on Sunday?" satisfactorily anwered. This included practical demonstrations in Street Gymnastics, or the Use of the Globes and Poles (In large globe cases marked "with care.")
Mathewalics. A few words on Squaring a Beadle who was arguing in a vicious circle. Illustrated pugilistically. (A performanteau to itself, including gloves and change of linen.)
Physics. Thoughts on Negro Conscription and Black Draughts; with remarks on Shaking before Taking. (Dressing-case fitted with burnt corks for blacking my face; and medicine.)
Economic Science. How many Donkeys go to a Village Pound? Also the process of making a Shilling go as far as Half-a-Crown. Illustrated by experimental conjuring. (A box of tricks packed up in a large clothes-basket for doing the STODARE trick. Swords separate.)
I arrived in Birmingham safely with all my scientific paraphernalia. Some idiotic friend who doesn't understand these things asked me if I was going to the Donkey Show? His joke meant, he explained, the British As-sociation; a low, coarse fellow, whom I only quote to show you the persecution that Science is exposed to even in these days. I was dressed in a scarlet gown, college cap, and carried side-arms, and a fishing-rod for Sundays.
After some difficulty I found one of the association Rooms. Here is my report condensed.
[Report on Coals, Geology, Excursions, Cannibalism, Physiology]
THE HUXLEY FILE